Confessions of a working Mom

I woke up the day after Thanksgiving, realizing that I made a big mistake. No, it wasn't that I ate too much. It wasn't that I forgot to bring apple pie to my parents' house. It wasn't even that I wore the wrong jeans for a day of gluttony.

I realized that I threw aside all my convictions about child-rearing and opted to put my youngest in someone else's care so I could go back to work.

How could this happen? Well, it's easy to convince yourself that something is OK, even when you know it's not. I was bored after almost six years of being a stay-at-home mom. I wanted to escape the demands of my high-maintenance two year old. I wanted to get away from my argumentative five year old. I wanted to be somewhere where I would be appreciated. Where I could talk to "big" people. Where I would receive acknowledgment of a job well-done. I wanted to go back to teaching.

And I love it! I love my students. I love where I work. I love getting a paycheck. I love hearing parents tell me how much their kids like me. I love challenging my brain again (okay, it's third grade but that can be challenging).

And I hate it. I hate dropping my two year old off at the preschool, even though it's the same campus where I work. I hate the look on his face when I wave bye-bye, even though his teacher is wonderful. I hate that I'm so busy in the morning that the only time I have to hand over my five-year-old's glasses is during flag salute and morning prayer. I hate that I forget to read the weekly newsletter his teacher sends home. I hate that I'm so preoccupied with my own students' homework that I don't even look at his.

I had a week off during Thanksgiving. I spent three of those days at a Teachers' Conference and the rest of those days, realizing how much I miss my boys!! I miss snuggling with my baby in the morning. I miss not having to rush out the door and fight traffic. I miss not going on last-minute excursions to the Wild Animal Park or Legoland. I miss being able to give my children the time and attention they need and deserve.

I made a bad decision. Well, that happens. The good news is that I'm honest with myself and am in a position to rectify the problem I created. No, I can't just quit. I signed a contract to teach for a full school year. But, I can make the most of the rest of the school year, doing my best as a teacher. Doing my best as a mommy. Full-filling my obligations as best as I can. Will I be able to give 100 percent to both jobs? No. My boys come first, so they'll receive the best of me. My students will get the rest of the best.

Will it be easy? No. Is there an end in sight? YES! June will be here before I know it. Then I will be back where I belong-- at home.

Any regrets? Of course! I've missed too much. But, with that said, I think I will go back to being a stay-at-home Mommy with a renewed appreciation and a better perspective of what's really important.

If the grass looks greener on the other side, that may be because it is. But who says we need to always be given free access to the green grass? There are seasons in everyone's life when the grass will be less green. It may even appear brown. But seasons pass. We need to graze where we are for the moment. It's only a matter of time before the grass gets green again.

Sigh... live and learn...