Lies, Deceit, and Little Elves

This is a repost from my MySpace blogs

Dear Boys,
By the time you are able to read this, the following confessions won't matter much to you anymore. That's why I'm going to spill the beans about what Mommies (and Daddies) really do just to survive parenthood.

1. Remember all your Kids' Meals toys from the various fast food places in town? You wondered where they all went. Well, I threw them away.

2. You wondered what happened to all your Halloween candy and I told you that you ate it all. Well, actually, Mommy and Daddy ate most of it after you were in bed.

3. There was that day you wanted to go to Balboa Park to visit the Space Museum. I didn't feel like driving down there so I told you it was closed due to the wild fires. Well, since the fires had been out for almost a week, it just wasn't true.

4. You know how Daddy told you that smoking makes your penis fall off? Sorry-- I didn't really agree with that approach but you have to admit it was kind of funny... until you started pointing at every man you saw who was smoking and asking in a loud voice if his penis was going to fall off.

5. Remember all those times when we were out doing errands and you weren't following me? Remember how I said, "Bye-bye... I guess you're staying here." Well, I was bluffing. I would never have left you all by yourself!

6. I told you once that it's fun to go to the dentist. Well, it isn't.

7. Then there was that time I told you little elves came to clean your room. Well, truthfully, I cleaned it. I was just tired of the giant mess and knew you were going to argue and whine about about having to clean it. I just wasn't in the mood for that.

8. I know you still wonder where most of your unused toys went. Well, remember how amazed you were to discover that the church nursery has many of the same toys you used to have? That's not a coincidence.

9. Remember when your treasured blankie started to fall apart in strips so long, I was afraid you'd strangle yourself in your sleep? One morning, you woke up and someone had cut the long strip off and you noticed right away? Well, I was the one who cut it off, even though I acted just as surprised and offended as you.

10. You know those Starbucks Frapuccinos Mommy drinks sometimes? I told you that they taste yucky to little boys because they taste like coffee. Well, they don't taste much like coffee and I'm sure you'd LOVE them. I just wanted one thing in my life I could call my own and not have to share. Plus, you don't need the caffeine!

There you go. I feel much better now that I've gotten all that off my conscience. Yes, parents sometimes tell untruths and sometimes we do things that just aren't fair. That's just how it is. And in the end, it's all for your own good. Just ask the little elves!

Love,
Mommy